Yoga: Day 200 - Open up your chest

With yoga, I learn to stand tall.

One important thing about how yoga has been curing my depression is, it really does make you physically feel good.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t say my depression is now cured! Despite the never-been-better state I’m in right now, I still cry for hours before I finally defeat the struggle and leave my bed at noon, which supposed to be the morning, sometimes, especially when I’m PMS. To be frank, I would say mental illness is not something that can be entirely cured, but we can learn to manage, cope with and co-exist with it. Mood disorder is totally clinical, as in scientifically one could have low brain cell production of serotonin, or a lack of receptor sites that are able to receive the serotonin, etc. I hate people who say ‘depression is just in your head’, but it’s still undeniable that there are certain factors that trigger the above symptoms. For instance, a lot of people’s mood disorders were triggered by negative life events. But personality undoubtedly influences how we react to those life events - I, for one, am a person with low self-esteem, even before my depression - when something bad happens to me, my tendency to blame myself and lose hope is for sure bigger than someone with loving parents and have a normal self-esteem.

Right, let’s talk about yoga, as I intended. What yoga surprised me during the first few time I did it, was how fas-fucking-cinating heart opening asanas make me felt. As people with low self-esteem subconsciously walk with our heads down, shoulders hunched and slouch 24/7. With yoga, I learn to stand tall. I realised I’ve never really opened my chest until I tried yoga for the first time, on top of how good it feels physically, when you open up your chest, you feel like you can absorb all the energy, you feel more confident, and you get rid of your fears. I started walk talk as I was getting into yoga. And once you present yourself differently, your energy and aura changes accordingly and eventually I started feeling a lot better in general.

So, circling back to mood disorder, I’m still a person with low self-esteem, but through yoga, I learn how live, from the start.